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MEN SEEKING WOMEN
OAKEN PHALLUS - aging hippie love God, seeks perky chicks to learn about free love in my groovy shag carpet love van. Let me crash in your pad, smoke your lids of pot, eat all your food and freak out snorting glue wen you go to work. Stupid rich college girls preferred. #309
PIMPLY ASSED heavy metal dude into potato chips and Slayer seeks sexy chick with fringe leather jacket for Satanic rituals, grave robbing and moshing. Let's get drunk and tattoo eachother. #667
VANGUARD CHRISTIAN animal rights activist is tired of bombing abortion clinics and throwing fetus parts at women. I seek a fellow terrorist for God. We need to save cats and dogs! Millions of cats and dogs are killed every year and millions more are ruthlessly sterilized against their will! Let other Christians encourage the fuck ups of the world breed like rats, it's our job to make sure they have enough pets. #13
DWPBIJTVCHIV- seeks S/DPBIW/BJM/C into BD/SM/SS/LSD/WS/MDMA/GS. MTW/AM only. #221
SELF-EMPLOYED FREE SPIRIT. Meth addicted hippie sells drugs and steals from tourists. Sun-baked homeless complexion, skinny, long stringy hair, living in Haight Ashbury district seeks a groovy chick willing to turn tricks when cash is scarce. Into romantic walks in the 'hood watching you give blowjobs for $10. C'mon baby! Live the good life! Discover good earthy hippie values by sleeping in parks and not bathing. We can argue and babble at eachother about cosmic awareness 'til the drugs run out and the sun rises. You'll love the groovy vibes out here. #23
OLD SPORTS HERO. I promise not to kill you, baby. I just want a bitch that looks like she walked out of Playboy to play golf with. Call OJ. #555
BEATNIK. Bongo beatin' Daddy! Groovy beatnik wants a craazy chick into blowin' reefer and groovin' the coffee shop scene. Let me crash at your pad and eat your grub. Life's a gas, can you dig? #32
LOVE ME TENDER. Constipated, hopelessly drugged out fat former rock star widely reputed to be dead seeks woman to take quality legal downers with. Must love peanut butter and banana sandwiches and be willing to relocate to Memphis, TN #309
FUCK ME, I'm a liberal! No fur coats, carnivores, drugs, gays, blacks, poor people, tattoos, weird hair, pierced noses, smokers, fatties, drinkers, foreigners, hypocrites or weirdos. #4
POMPOUS old Republican that knows all the answers seeks braindead woman to idolize my opinions and let me suck your feet. Martini's, steak, Rush Limbaugh, Wayne Newton, and my wife's underwear put me in the mood for doin' the nasty, how 'bout you? Old fashioned ladies with family values only. #310
BEEFY BUTCHER MAN, extra lean ground beef, big loin steak, 200 lbs, 6' tall, seeks tasty filet mignon, firm rump roast and tenderloins. Chicken breasts OK. When we meat, call me Sir Loin. #312
MALNOURISHED IDIOT hick KKK member seeks corn fed cunt that will worship my wrinkly pathetic little aryan dick. #13
CHRISTIAN EVANGELIST - ISO large ugly prostitutes into burrito farts, greasy hair and cheap hotels for adulterous fun. Must be discreet. Call J. Swaggart Ministries. #23
COPROPHILIA! If it's good enough for Chuck Berry, it's good enough for me. BOOM BABY! Dump a loaf on my head and I'll love it! #211
NECROPHILIA - Handsome in an ugly way garbage truck driver into dead chicks. If you're cold and rigid, call now! No weirdos please. #23
SWM FROM EAST L.A., incarcerated Satanist mass murderer, attractive with long dark hair, budding artist, former angel dust addict, seeks sexy women for romantic walks and possible victimization. #577
FAMOUS ROCK STAR. I'm Big Hard Guy, lead singer of Utah's famous death metal band Iron Cock. I seek a nice submissive brainless underage girl with big tits into watching my band play our 10 original classic heavy metal anthems to crowds of almost 30 people. Preference for cheap beer, anal sex, and posing nude on my Satanic alter preferred. Let's spend a romantic night in the Iron Cock Palace (the drummer's parent's basement) drinking cheap tequila, watching us practice then listening to a poorly recorded demo of our 10 classic heavy metal anthems. IV drug user preferred (BYO). #666
MISS JERRY GARCIA? I'm just like him! Fat, unhealthy hippie into beer, heroin and unfiltered cigarettes seeks groovy free love chicks for cosmic orgies, a groovy mental haze and Grateful Dead bootlegs. #1967
SM, 25, PUNK rocker with nothing to do but pierce myself, dye my hair and mutilate my leather jacket, seeks F with money, a car and a place to sleep for romantic nights of shooting up, slam dancing, and walking home through the ghetto. #401
CRUSTY OLD PUNK ready to party! I finally found a good chiropractor, hemoroid medicine and a mohawk wig that doesn't pull off. I need a sexy punk chick to take to the Sex Pistols show, and to rub me down with HEET after all that slam dancing. #69
GROOVY HIPPIE! I'm a nudist with a big beefy "Bachman Turner Overdrive" build, looking for out of sight old hippie chicks that still groove on free love and LSD. Babble incoherently about the harmonic vibrations of your brain in synch with the mustard I spilled on my tie-dye and meditate on Jerry Garcia's corpse. I won't laugh at you if you take your clothes off. #619
BURLY BUSINESSMAN wants to be your baby. Lactating woman preferred for erotic chocolate milk and diaper sex. No weirdos please. #41
MUCHO MACHO muchacho que tengo un burrito grande en mis pantalones. Quiero chingar una chica bonita. Quiero fumar mota y besar sus chi-chi's y punta senorita! #170
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BADASS GANGSTA - X-Ray Tripsy 'da badass gansta' rappin' foo' about town. A shout out to all ya' big booty tight dress bitcha's out dere. Toot Tripsy's beeper, babe! and X-Ray Tripsy will tweak yo' titties, twittle your twat and outwit dat twit dat's towin' you's tootsie around da' town any day ta' week. #173
WRESTLER! Yank my balls in a double ball blastin' square knot before i twirl your ta-ta's in a full tittie nelson, babe!. Freaky Funky Fred the Pimp, local masked wrestler, seeks big booty freakin' baby for bondage and wrestling. #171
HILLARY HATER. Republican businessman seeks Limbaugh loving sexy babe with family values and nice tits for a weekend relationship. Must like sports, cigars, steak and golf. My wife is out of town on weekends. Let's play golf or watch TV, baby! No smokers, druggies, punks, pierced nipples or liberals. #62
HIPPIE FOREST ELF stuck in the city, not into heavy vibes, seeks groovy chicks who can buy me cheap suds and buds. I want to enjoy high times at your place and on the street playing bongos for nickels. Rod McKuen and Carlos Castenada affect my daily life. Ask for "Hash Knife" along Haight Street. I'm one of the greasy haired hippie guys playing Grateful Dead songs on a broken bongos. #175
ROCK STAR with a shit eating grin, and he loves it! Dump a loaf on my head, baby - I'll love it!! Let me videotape myself gorgin' on your big brown bombs, baby! Ever hear Chuck Berry sing "Brown Eyed Girl"? Gimme a call. Chuck Berry, St. Louis, MO. #888
CONSERVATIVE COUNTRY BOY - a fertilizer salesman into Molly Hatchet and Garth Brooks. I lead a double life as a big hairy piss pig, ringed, marked, needing more. I want a conservative woman with kinky family values. Let's squeal, lick, oink, wallow in slop, inflict pain and punishment, and drink my special yellow margaritas. #221
TYPICAL whining loser in urban music scene seeks the same. Why can't there be more free shows within 2 blocks of my house on my nights off? Why does it get so cold in the winter? Why does the music scene suck? I can't figure it out! #98
WOMEN SEEKING MEN
BLACK PANTHER Princess wants to whip your white ass for cash. #440
BRITISH NANNY with Charlie Manson eyes seeks employment. I look innocent and promise not to bounce your baby off the walls like a screaming superball. #50
UNSHAVEN ANARCHIST straight edge vegan tattooed pierced female skateboard punk seeks politically correct punk boys with big dicks into Homo Broccoli Power, The Vegan Militia, Chicks with Dicks, Ass Worship, Bowel Movements, and other local punk bands. #997
SEXY GOTHIC Vampiress doesn't need anyone. Fuck all you fashionless losers. #322
EX-HOOKER, rubinesque, jailhouse complexion, has genital warts, herpes, syphilis, and AIDS, has 6 hyperactive, slow learning children, ready to settle down. I seek sensitive WM, any age, ugly OK (I'm sure I've fucked worse), with good job or big welfare checks. I can cook frozen burritos, boiled eggs, and will give blowjobs to the right man for free. I yearn to let the kids play in the street and enjoy quiet, romantic times at home with soap operas, beer, Hostess products, and a big burly sugar daddy (maybe you!) #103
KOSHER TWAT! Former "Kosher Hotdog Queen" seeks sexy M for afternoon sex romps. A foot long dog never looked as good as it does in my Kosher twat. Intrigued? I have mustard, relish and buns to go with it too. #69
ELEPHANTITIS - sexy wench with horn on head and squishy mass the size of a softball growing on her ass seeks nice guy for sex. #765
FORMER LOT LIZARD (truck stop prostitute) and gasoline huffer, HIV+, born again Christian, starting my own ministry. Join my full gospel one on one Biblical experience big boy. #664
BLOOD SUCKER - Gothic, bloodlusting vampiress looking for tender necks. Party with a couple beers and my pain pills, sucker. #661
SEXY REDNECK. Former "Miss Crawdad Festival" winner seeks sexy potbellied redneck type for uninhibited fun. Bend me over the hood of your Ford with the engine running! My cellulite wiggles even thinking about it! #665
LESBIAN VEGAN-CORE band seeks M slave / roadie / driver / toilet. Race unimportant. #213
MUST BE SOMEONE OUT THERE - Overweight Korean Lesbian Jew for Christ into country music and hairy armpits seeks the same.
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NEWT HATER. This bubbly liberal blonde cutie seeks a handsome Democrat to giggle and twiddle my nipple rings! We can enjoy quiet romantic evenings at home watching TV, eating dinner, and stimulating liberal conversation about the angst of the underpriveledged. I seek a compassionate, gentle, short haired, successful, liberal WM. No smokers, druggies, punks, pierced dicks or conservatives. #45
BUXOM PIERCED PUNK heathen grrl seeks Christian preacher to demoralize and blackmail. Pentacostles preferred - sXe me up, preacher man! #445
SEXY Hutu and Tutsi women with big booties seek American men for husbands. Write for free brochure, Machete Maidens, PO box 21, Raulokinhauhau, Rwanda. #474
MEAN OLD HO' - I wus a truck stop prostatoot.. I got more theeths than tattoos. I needs an edurkated man with mony. Truckors prefeered. cum to Uncle Bills truck stop an ask fer Phillis. wisk me awy on a romantik nite of Wite Castle burgors, old milwakee bers and a drive-in! it always cures my constupation! Tha docter sayz my deit of bakon, wite bread, beer and opiates is bad. Whot does he no? #33
CHEERFUL NUDIST! - Let's go shopping naked! Let's eat fast food naked! Let's go to court naked! #311
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VARIOUS
BOOPSIE BOMBSHELL, the famous hot to trot shit talking transvestite superwhore. I can suck a fire hydrant dry. I fuck so good I made OJ drop his knife. My ass is so stretched the Statue of Liberty fist fucks my butt and I still have room to fart. I'll make you feel like the super he-man that you're not. You'll prematurely ejaculate all over my sexy razor stubble ass as I steal your wallet. C'mon baby, let's go on a date. #36-28-34
STRAIGHT ACCOUNTANT by day, big hairy horny piss pig daddy at night, seeks June Cleaver look alike sissy turd boy to live in my suburban home. I'll mow the lawn if you wash the sheets. #176
GWM, ISO romantic, overweight foul smelling, uncircumcised men to play "rape the garbageman" with. Mud wrestling, fist fucking, enemas and snow balling a must. No weirdos please. #406
HICK CHICK WITH DICK from rural Indiana desperate to see new Garth Brooks tour seeks corn holin' sugar daddy cowboy for some whoopin' and hollerin' fun behind the barn. #447
UTAH PATRIARCH, Mormon, seeks 3 or 4 more wives to help around the ranch. Nasty dirty dancin' Morman babes with big bubble butts encouraged. Ask for Guss. #39
BEST ENEMA EVER! Try Aunt Jenny's original "Oklahoma Blasters" use fertilizer and tractor fuel to blast that shit right outta ya! You don't need no doctor to help you shit, just call Aunt Jenny and she'll loosen yo' ass right up! #178
REDNECK LUBE JOB - Oral mechanic will service, lube and drain big thick rods for free! No job too large! No compact or foriegn models wanted. #6969
TABLOID TV FODDER - Did you see us on Sally Jesse Raphael last month? I was the concerned father with an 11 year old daughter who is a tattooed nympho drunk gang banger that doesn't respect me or my rusty trailer! Talk show appointments available, but you must provide us with a week's worth of Moon Pies and cheap beer. #242
HELP WANTED
INDIANAPOLIS POLICE - New recruits needed. Neighborhood thugs preferred. Applicants must be able to fight effectively while drunk in group settings. Must be willing to participate in police corruption or at least keep your mouth shut.
CRAZY CHICKS! Mentally abnormal women off their medication rant and rave incoherently about sex until you either hang up or cum! You've never had phone sex like this! 1-900-CRAZY CHICKS
CYBER BUTT WIGGLERS wanted for internet video sex. Must not mind stripping for 11 year olds that break into their parent's computer. #96
SELL METHAMPHETAMINES! Stay awake for days at a time until you collapse in hallucinating dementia! Fun for the whole family! Safe for truck drivers! Recommended for pregnant mothers! It's the latest craze! We call 'em hillbilly smart drugs. Buy 'em at Bud's Truck Stop on Interstate 70. #190
ANARCHIST SQUAT! Party against War! Steal against classism! New York squatters subverting capitolism by living a largely cashless existence through bartering, begging, theft and drug dealing. Join us and discuss Marxism and sell hash while digging food out of the trash. It's rad! Join us in our fight for freedom from government tyranny, dude! #23
POLITICIANS needed for upcoming elections in United States. WM wealthy narcissistic freaks with talent for bullshit preferred. Must be available for continuous hour shameless self-promotion #240
FAST FOOD, fast moving robots over 16 years old needed at Burger Bomb restaurants near you. We pay 10ยข over minimum wage and will pay 15% of your medical costs if you work over 60 hours a week. Don't sell drugs for a couple hundred dollars per day, work here for about $100 a week! It's legal! Free left over hamburgers! Be all you can be! #179
LABORERS Needed. Great opportunity for illegal immigrants and illiterate citizens! Earn over $2 an hour cleaning up EPA Superfund sites with your bare hands. Easy work! Be all you can be! #844
ACTORS needed for future homosexual pornographic blockbuster "The Anal-erotic Adventures of Newt Gingrich". Closeted Republicans encouraged to apply. Grey hair, small penis and big "martini and steak" love handles preferred. #181
EXPLOSIVES ENGINEER. Reckless pyromaniac preferred to assist in Iran's development of nuclear weapons. Relocate to nice sunny enviroment. Women, homosexuals, Christians and other Godless scum need not apply. #388
LABORERS. Great opportunity for illegal immigrants and illiterate citizens! Earn over $2 an hour cleaning up EPA Superfund sites with your bare hands. Easy work! Great pay! Be all you can be! #844
ENTREPRENUERS - Own your own hotdog stand in Cuba. Call Fidel's Happy Weenie Wagon Corporation before it's too late! Tourism is booming! #247
GUN CRAZED MILITIA group invites all white Christian and moral Americans to attend our Dahmer-esque "Liberal Loin Steak" Barbecue. Clinton's dick and Hillary's head cookies for the children and Jack Daniels and target practice for the adults. America must return back to the values of some hazy mythical moral time in history that we don't know anything about. Join us in our fight for freedom from government tyranny. Amen! #32
PILOTS to fly unscheduled flights carrying "paperwork" from Jamaica to Florida. Must have your own plane. Call the CIA and ask for the Narcotics Dept. #249
INNOVATIVE artist seeks sexy "binge and purge" female models for my "Reverse Peristalsis" collage. I paint with puke and body fluids. Pig out on a free colorful meal and help me finish a mural! Studio well ventilated so it won't stink. #251
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